5 Physics Jokes
Chickens And Physics
There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of a sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of a sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'
Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light, to the 3rd floor of a building and recognizes that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his book: "A thermometer falls with the speed of light."
A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would through himself from the top of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles.
One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he lost his balance and tumbled into the first row.
He apologized to his class for going off on a tangent.
The Physicist and the Chauffeur
An eminent physicist is being driven by a chauffeur from university to university to give a lecture on recent discoveries in his field.
After a few weeks of this, the chauffeur says to the physicist, "You know, I've heard you give that lecture so many times I think I could give it!"
The physicist replies, "All right, you're on! At the next university, you give the lecture, and I will sit in the audience dressed as your chauffeur."
The chauffeur has his chance: disguised as the physicist, he delivers the lecture. His performance is flawless, and the audience applauds with enthusiasm.
But then a hand is raised in the audience. "Professor, would you please explain how the equation E=mc² is related to the energy released by a plutonium fission reaction?"
The chauffeur pauses for a moment. "Well, you see," he says, "the answer to that question is a good deal simpler than you might suppose. It is so simple, in fact, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it...."
The Physicist and the Genie
A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, 'I wish you to bring peace in this region'.
After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, 'Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me'.
Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, 'I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even.'
After another deliberation the genie asks, 'Could I see that map again?'