5 Phone Jokes

Call Your Sister

A salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old answered.

Salesman: May I speak to your mother?

Child: She is not here.

Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?

Child: My sister

Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?

Child: I guess so.

There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:

Child: Hello?

Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.

Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.


Lord Glenarvan

The telephone rang in the mansion of Lord Glenarvan. The butler answered the call.

"It's me. Please go to my wife's bedroom and tell her that I'll be home late from the club."

"Sorry, Milord, her ladyship is already asleep."

"Then wake her and tell her, while I hold the phone," the caller said.

"Yes, Sir," the butler replied.

The butler came back and said, "My Lord, her ladyship's door was locked, and when I knocked, a man's voice told me to go the hell."

The caller then said, "Damn them! Get a rifle from my collection, break down the door, and shoot them both."

"Yes, Sir," the butler responded."

A few minutes later, the butler returned to the phone and reported, "My Lord, I tried my best. I killed your wife, but as I was about to shoot the man, he jumped through the window and into the garden, and got away."

The confused caller then said, "What garden? There's no garden next to the bedroom window." "In that case, Sir, I am afraid you dialed a wrong number. Good day."


Proposal

Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. "Darling!" he blurted out, "will you marry me?" "Of course, I will, you silly boy," she replied, "but who is speaking, please?"


Reverse Charges Call

In the morning the day after my nuptials, the phone rang. 'Reverse charges call from Jackie', said the operator'. 'Will you accept the charges?'
I couldn't think of anyone that I knew who was called Jackie; so I said no and put down the phone.
A moment later, the phone rang again. 'Hi, Peter, it's Jackie', said a familiar voice, 'your mother-in-law.'


The Accident

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"