Your 5 Jokes for July 13, 2012: Payment Jokes

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An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. "Your estate is very complex," said the lawyer, "but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500."

Just then, the phone rang and the lawyer got involved with a long call. Thinking the lawyer had said "$500," the old man wrote out his check and left.

When she got off the phone and realized the old man’s mistake, the lawyer ran after him down the stairs and into the parking lot just as he drove away. Feeling frustrated, the lawyer looked at the check and decided to accept the situation philosophically. "Oh well," she said to herself, "$500 for half an hour’s work isn’t bad."


I Have Already Spent It

Wife: Okay, today’s Friday. Where’s your paycheck?

Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.

Wife: WHAT! What could you buy for the house that cost $480?

Man: Eight rounds of drinks.


Payment Schedule

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.

"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.

"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.

"Your right. It's mine."


Rounds

Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?" Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"


The Farmer

A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them."

“All right," said the farmer. “I have a hired man.

Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board.

I have a cook. She’s been here six months.

She gets $500 a week plus room and board."

“Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.

“Yeah," the farmer said. “There’s a half-wit here.

Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco."

“Aha!" the agent roared. “I want to talk to that half-wit!"

“You’re talkin’ to him now," said the farmer.


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