Your 5 Jokes for November 18, 2013: Olympics Jokes

In The Olympics

Antarctica didn't win a medal in the Olympics since 1957, yet, in the Beijing 2008 Olympics, Antarians managed to sweep a couple of them. Indeed, in the end of the olympics, and just before the end of the closing ceremony, the announcer said: "We urge all Antarian athletes to please wait behind to sweep the Olympics stadium." After sweeping, they discovered 2 gold, 2 silver and 1 bronze medals.

Newspaper Headlines

Newspaper headlines in Canada before, during and after Jamaican-Born Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson, was found to have used illegal steroids.

First Headline: "Canadian Sprinter Wins Gold in 100 metres!

Second Headline: "Jamaican-Canadian Athlete Tests Positive for Steroids!"

Third Headline: "Jamaican Athlete Stripped of Gold Medal."

Opening Ceremony

George W. Bush is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter.

On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh."

An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that!"

Pole Vaulter

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. A woman sitting beside Ole asked him, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian. And my name's not Walter, either!"

The Picture

American Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps is sitting alone in a corner in his locker room, when his friend asked him, "What's up Mike?"

Phelps says, "There's good news and bad news..."

"What's the bad news?" asks the friend.

Phelps replies, "They found a picture of me smoking pot."

The friend asks, "And the good news?"

Phelps replies, "I did it half a second faster than the French guy!"