Your 5 Jokes for April 11, 2012: Nurse Jokes


Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'

Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'

I Wish …

"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.

"I'm a nurse."

"I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear.

"That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."

How Is She?

A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. The woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked,

"How is she?"

The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."

One of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she healthwise?"

How Old Are You?

An old lady is making her first visit to her new doctor’s office. Before seeing the doctor she is required to fill out forms. A nurse in the office offers to help her do this. The nurse starts by asking,

“How old are you, Mrs. Silver?"

“None of your business," she responds.

The nurse then says, “But the doctor must know your age for his records."

Mrs. Silver replies, “Okay. Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"

“Yes. Fifty." answers the nurse.

“All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"

The nurse says, “Zero."

Mrs. Silver responds, “Right! And that’s exactly the chance of me telling you my age."

Rules Are Rules

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

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Hospital jokes
Medical jokes
Patient jokes
Pregnancy jokes
Surgeon jokes
Surgery jokes