A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children ..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
A Dollar for Charity
A little boy asked his dad for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park. His father, impressed by his son’s kindness, gave him the dollar. “There you are my son," said the father. “But, tell me, isn’t the little lady able to work any more? “She sells candy" was the boy’s reply.
There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were lying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannn, where have you been. I haven't seen you in a long time ?" The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. "In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all-day retreat spa, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino! I have done it all!!!" After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, "What about you? Where have you been?" The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Episcopalian church, the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the Mormon church, the church of the Latter Day Saints, the A.M.E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the..." "WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!!" shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill. "What's a church?"
At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it.
From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!"
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!"
The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here."