Members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine."
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently."
"Hmm?" said the director. "And are you sure you have nothing else to add?"
"Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
Making Meetings Short
Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, “All those opposed to my plan say, ‘I resign.’" End of meeting.
Meeting Of The Board
"There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before. "My friend," asked the pastor, did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get!"
The Union Meeting
A union shop steward was addressing the workers at a union meeting...
"I am pleased to advise all of you that we have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled.
"We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled again.
We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM."
"We have a 110% pay increase."
"We will only work on Tuesdays."
Suddenly, the crowd fell silent, until a voice from the back asked, "Every Tuesday?"
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, “In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, you will be rewarded with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty."“Give me infinite wisdom!" declares the dean, without hesitation.Done!" says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. “Well," says a colleague, “say something brilliant."The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, “I should have taken the money."