A man walks into the doctor's office and hands him a note that says, “I can’t talk!!!" “No problem" says the doctor. “Put your toe on this chair." The doctor picks up a paper weight and drops it on the mans toe. “AAAAA!!!" the man yells. “Great," says the doctor. “make sure you come back tomorrow, and we’ll work on B."
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'
Strange Eating Habits
A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. 'All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?'
'Eventually,' said the consultant, 'she will rise and shine.'
The Miracle Doctor
Adam, an elderly man, was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.
After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?'
Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'
The Navel Surgeon
'What kind of work do you do?' a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment.