Your 5 Jokes of the Day, December 16, 2010: Lion Jokes
A Missionary And A Lion
A missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion." And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."
Two lions who, escaping from the zoo, split up to increase their chances but agree to meet after 2 months. When they finally meet, one is skinny and the other overweight. The thin one says: "How did you manage? I ate a human just once and they turned out a small army to chase me -- guns, nets, it was terrible. Since then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass." The fat one replies: "Well, I hid near an IBM office and ate a manager a day. And nobody even noticed!"
Many prominant animals in the jungle invited by a Lion for his marriage. It was noticed that one mouse also present at the function and he was in a joyfull mood. One big animal asked him: “Why did you come here?”. “I came for Lion's wedding!” the mouse said. “What you got to do at Lion's wedding?”, the big animal asked. “Dancing!” replied the mouse. “Why should you dance?”, said the animal. And the mouse replied: “Don't make fun on me. Before the marriage I too was a Lion!”
One Lion was enjoying the sun at the beach. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Lion answered, " No, I am Banta Lion." Another guy came and asked the him the same question. Lion answered, "No! No! Me Banta Lion!" A third one came and asked him the same question again. Lion was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Lion soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?". The other Lion was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Lion slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!"
The Tale Of The Two Lions
Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that allowed them to claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf became a well traveled trail through the jungle.
All day, every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.
The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and very publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.
While he was leading a safari through the jungle, the travelers had to walk and cut vines with their machetes, and all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the night.
After setting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled, African Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily engaged in the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on African Jack and ate him on the spot.
When the 6 o'clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported, "African Jack killed this evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported he was reading between the lions."