Your 5 Jokes for January 31, 2013: Life Jokes

Life Partner

Two bachelors were talking about their respective choice of life partner. One friend said, 'It is generally said that people with opposite characteristics make the happiest marriages. What is your opinion?

The friend replied,'Yes, they are right. That is why I am looking for a girl with a lot of money!'


Seventy

"You're in great shape," says the doctor. "You're going to live to be 70."

"But I am 70," Issy replies.

"Well," says the doctor, "did I lie?"


Six Months

The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.

The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".

Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"


The Matchmaker

A matchmaker corners a poor student and says, "Do I have a girl for you!"

"I’m not interested," replies the student.

"But she's a very beautiful girl," says the matchmaker.

"Really?" says the student, a bit more interested now.

"Yes. And she's also very rich."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am. Would I lie to you? And she has a long line of ancestry. She comes from a very noble family."

"It all sounds great to me," says the student, "but why would a girl like that want to marry me? She'd have to be crazy."

Replies the matchmaker, "Well, you can't have everything in life!"


Truthful

Sadie was divorcing her husband Mark. After two months of waiting, her case was finally being heard in Court. The judge asked Sadie, "So how old are you?"

"I’m 40 years old, your Honour."

The judge replied, "Please answer my question honestly. How old are you?"

"I’m 40 years old, your Honour," answered Sadie again.

"Well," said the judge, "you’re not being truthful. It’s written down here that you were born in August 1940 and that means you’re over 60."

"But your Honour," replied Sadie, "I’m not counting the last 20 years with my husband."

"Why not?" asked the judge.

"You call that living?" replied Sadie.