Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day scrooge. One day during the winter the lake frozen over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "I'll be darned if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!"
Into The Lake
An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We`re tryin` to get out, but we can`t get the dang tailgate open!"
Just Tell Mommy
My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.
"Listen to me!" his mother said sharply, "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
Matthew thought about that for a moment and said: "Okay... Disney World."
Walking Across The Lake
All of his life Stosh had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club.
So when Stosh's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Stan took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Stosh stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Stan just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Stosh went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Stosh's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, but you were born in July."
Water In The Injectors
A woman came home one day and told her husband: "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
Her husband asked her what it was and she told him it had water in the injectors. The husband thought for a moment, then said: “I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the injectors from the accelerator."
"No, there's definitely water in the injectors," she insisted.
"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?" the husband asked.