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Your 5 Jokes for March 13, 2012: Jungle Jokes

Flying Over The Jungle

A pilot was flying over the jungle when he started having engine trouble. Eventually the engine stopped and he realised that he would have to bail out before it lost too much height and crashed. So he put on his parachute and jumped out of the door. He pulled the rip cord, his parachute opened and he floated gently down towards a clearing in the jungle. Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of a large cooking pot in which the chief of the cannibals was cooking lunch. The chief cried out in astonishment, "what’s this fly doing in my soup?"


The Violinist In The Jungle

A violinist was convinced that he could use his musical talent to tame wild animals. So, violin in hand, he travelled to the heart of the African jungle to prove it.

No sooner had he begun to play than the jungle clearing was filled with animals of all kinds gathering to hear him play. Birds, lions, hippos, elephants - all stood around, entranced by his beautiful music. Just then, a crocodile crept out of a nearby river and into the clearing, and - snap!- gobbled up the violinist.

The other animals were extremely angry. "What on earth did you do that for?" they demanded.

"Eh?" said the crocodile, cupping its hand to its ear.


Tracks

Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.

So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.

He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."

So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.

He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."

The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.

He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train."


Vegetarian Cannibals

Nikita Khrushchev (a former USSR leader) is flying over a jungle with his airplane and suddenly due to an engine failure, the pilot crash-lands the aircraft into the deep jungle...

A crowd of tribal people gather around and bring the survivors, among which Khrushchev, to their village.

Khrushchev is afraid of man-eating tribes, also because he's the fattest, juiciest from all passengers... Khrushchev is begging for mercy...

Tribe chief: "No, no, we're not man-eaters! We have given up those primitive habits! We have decided to become vegetarians!"

Khrushchev: "Well that's great to hear! I am happy to be with you!"

Tribal chief: "Sure! Welcome! Make yourself at home!"

Everyone is joyful and they all gather around the fire at night at a ceremonial dinner, but surprisingly no food is seen anywhere...

The tribe chief sits near Khrushchev and starts talking to him...

Tribal chief: "We only eat things like bananas, coconuts, apples... By the way, could I have a taste of your Adam's apple?" and he savagely bites Khrushchev in his fat neck!


What Do You Want On Your Back?

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Canadian, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the American, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the American, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the Canadian.

He responds, "I'll take the American."


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