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Your 5 Jokes for August 05, 2013: Insomnia Jokes

A Thousand Sheep

An insomniac to his friend: “I have tried everything! I just can’t sleep!!"

Friend: “Have you tried counting sheep? I have heard that nobody can count beyond a thousand sheep!"

Insomniac: “Hmm, I will try that tonight."

Next day the friend asks insomniac: “Did the sheep counting work?"

Insomniac: “Nope!"

Friend: “What happened?"

Insomniac: “I counted up to a thousand sheep! I still could not sleep. So I sheared the sheep, and made a thousand jackets. But I still could not sleep"

Friend: “Why, weren’t you tired?"

Insomniac: “I was but I just kept wondering where to store a thousand jackets! My house is so small!


One Hour Later

Daniel and Naomi go to bed and one hour later, Naomi is still awake. She is having great difficulty in getting to sleep so she decides to do what has worked before. She nudges Daniel and says to him in a soft voice, “Daniel, turn over."

Daniel replies, “£56,710.65."


The Boxer

A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep. I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any. Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s. I tried. But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.


The Drug

A man goes to see a doctor and says to him, "I cannot sleep every night because my neighbor upstairs makes so much loud noise. He lets me get no sleep at all."

The doctor says, "Oh, no problem! It's easy! I'll give you something, and you'll have a good sleep."

The next day, the man goes to see the doctor again and complains, "I have taken the pills but still cannot sleep."

The doctor says, "Oh, my God!

They were earplugs for your ears!"


Trouble

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone..."