Your 5 Jokes for September 23, 2013: Injury Jokes

Contingency

An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked what “contingency" was, the lawyer replied, “If I don’t win your lawsuit, I don’t get anything. If I do win your lawsuit, you don’t get anything."


Half

A fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.


Insurance

Bubba decided to visit Colorado to do something he could never do back home... snow skiing.
Unfortunately for Bubba, before he was even able to make it up the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift.

As soon as he could, he called his insurance company from the hospital only to be told that they were refusing to cover his injury.

"What do you mean?!?" Bubba screamed. "Why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?"

"You got hit in the head with a chairlift," the insurance rep. explained. "That makes you a moron... and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition."


Too Rare

A cattle rancher went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. When the waiter brought him his steak it was rare--very rare. The cow-puncher looked at it and demanded that it be returned to the kitchen and cooked.

"It is cooked," snapped the waiter.

"Cooked--nothing," replied the cow-puncher. "I've seen cows injured worse than this and recover!"


Toothache

Akpos went to his neighbour and asked him if he had any remedy for his terrible toothache.

AKPOS: I'm having a terrible toothache can you help me?

NEIGHBOUR: Last week I had more terrible toothache than yours, I just kissed my wife and it stop.

AKPOS: Please where is your wife let's start immediately.

Akpos is currently receiving treatment in the hospital for heavy injuries.