Your 5 Jokes for August 23, 2012: Illness Jokes

Ailments

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."


How Long?

Two friends meet in the street. One says, “Is it true, Isaac, that your mother-in law is ill?"

“Yes."

“In fact, Isaac, I heard that she was in hospital."

“Yes."

“How long has she been in hospital, Isaac?"

Isaac replies, “In 3 weeks time, please God, it will be a month."


Peat Treatment

"Can you help me, doctor?" asks the old patient.

"Hmm," says the doctor. "I think I'll prescribe a course of peat treatment at a health farm."

"Will that cure me?"

"Probably not, but it'll help you get used to the damp earth of the graveyard."


Poor Michael Hogan

Two Irishmen met in a pub and discussed the illness of a third.

"Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die."

"Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other.

"Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together."


TV-lover

Even during his wife's illness, Tom, a football addict, did not miss a single match of World-cup shown on TV at very odd-hours. The wife complained in the morning : "I could have died by the boom and noise the TV was making, but you never cared. You definitely love football more than you love me!" Tom replied: "Yes dear wife, but I still love you more than cricket. I did not see the Leeds' Test's highlights yesterday !"