There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re going to need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re going to need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re going to need all the ice picks you’ve got." The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way," he asked, “how are you fellows doing?" “Not very well at all," he said. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet."
One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
"Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!"
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''
The voice answered, "NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
Bob and Robbie were riding their snow bikes across the lake. All of a sudden Bob broke through the ice and sank with his bike.
Robbie went to the edge of the ice hole and saw Bob desperately pulling the starting rope.
Robbie shouted: “Hey Bob, open the choke and then pull.
John McTavish and his friend Jurgen Schmidt are arguing about which people are the superior - the Germans or the Scots. Jurgen says, "Germans are undoubtedly the superior people. In every part of the world, Germans excel in medicine, science and finance, to name but a few."
"You've slipped up at last," replies John. "You say in 'all parts of the world' but what about the Polar region?"
"So Iceberg doesn't sound like a German name?" replies Jurgen.