Your 5 Jokes for April 17, 2012: House Jokes

Nice House

I took a real estate client to a handyman special.

The place was great, and we couldn’t understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing:

"Nice house," he said. "It’s even self-cleaning."


Ownership

Mother-in-law comes to son-in-law who is lying on the sofa and watching TV:

- Son, there is a hole in the roof. Can you repair it?

- Well, it's not my house. Why should I care?

Mother-in-law registers the house as her son-in-law property and comes to him again:

- Son, the house is yours. Can you repair the hole in the roof now?

- Well, it's not your house. Why should you care?


The Architects

A Russian architect was on a trip abroad.

A foreign architect invited him to his home. He showed his Russian guest around the house.

'This is the hall,' he explained, 'and this is the sitting room. This is my study, those are the children's bedrooms, this is the main bedroom and this is a spare room for visitors.

Then there are the kitchen, the dining room, the two bathrooms, the lavatory . . .'

'It's a very good layout,' says the Soviet guest.

'What sort of layouts do you have?'

'Us? We have much the same, only without the partitions...'


The Round House

One man built a round house with round rooms, corridor, kitchen, etc. His friend wonders why he did so. The man explains:

- "My mother-in-law said: 'I hope, there will be a corner for me in your new house'"


The Secret

A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare.

Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.

One evening, a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him.

“Now we’re getting somewhere," he said. “Tell me the secret. I promise I won’t tell anyone."

She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, “We have monsters in our sewer."