Four fathers-to-be killed time in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. A nurse announced to the first man, "Congratulations, you’re the father of twins." "What a coincidence," said the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins." Soon the nurse returned and said to the second man, "Congratulations, sir. You’re the father of triplets." "Wow, what a coincidence," he answered. "I work for 3M." Soon the nurse returned and said to the third man, "Congratulations, sir. You’re the father of quadruplets!" He was so stunned he couldn’t speak. "Another coincidence?" asked the nurse. Regaining his composure, he said, "Yes. I work for the Four Seasons Hotel." Suddenly everyone looked at the fourth man, who was whispering the same phrase over and over: "I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven…."
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"
The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t."
The Heart Transplant
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital emergency room. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to lawyer and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the lawyer's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the lawyer's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
Two patients limp into two different hospitals with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
A patient goes to a hospital after having a leg injury. He comes out of the operating room and the doctor is there. The doctor looks at him and says "Oh good, you're awake. We have finished the operation, and I have some good news and some bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"
The patient says "Tell me the bad news first doc." So the doctor says "Well, we were in such a rush we amputated the wrong leg.. I'm sorry."
The patient outraged starts yelling "What? So what is the good news then."
The doctor tells him "Well, your other leg won't need to be amputated after all.