Your 5 Jokes for December 19, 2013: Hooligan Jokes

Big Hulking Hooligan

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."


No Bragging

I don't like to brag but the hooligan that picked a fight with me down at the pub wound up with a broken nose and 2 fractured ribs

After the ambulance that was taking me to the hospital accidentally backed over her.


Offence

A football hooligan appeared in court one day charged with disorderly conduct and assult. The arresting officer stated that the accused had thrown something into the river.

Judge: "What exactly did the accused throw?"

Officer: "Stones, sir."

Judge: "Well, that's hardly an offense is it?"

Officer: It was in this case, sir. Stones was the referee."


The Making Of A Soccer Hooligan

My son has the making of a soccer hooligan...

He threw a bottle at the referee yesterday...

I wouldn't mind, but he broke the TV screen, at just 2 years!


What’s To Be a Punk

A hooligan punk and a "normal" guy are walking down the street one day. The punk is in classic form: six inch blue mohawk, black pants, leather jacket with band names scribbled all over it, etc. The normal guy turns to the punk and asks "So just exactly what is punk anyway?" The punk emphatically replies "Man, punk is doing whatever you want, whenever you want, and not giving a shit what anybody else thinks. You see that trash can over there?" The punks walks over to a nearby trash can and and kicks it over, spilling garbage all over the sidewalk. "That's punk." The normal guy ponders this as they continue to walk down the sidewalk. The next trash can they come to, the normal guy steps up and gives it a hard kick, sending garbage flying everywhere. He turns to the punk and says "So, that's punk, huh?" The punk replies "No, that is trendy."


See also:

Soccer jokes - Sport jokes - Stadium jokes