Your 5 Jokes for September 27, 2013: Helicopter Jokes

Any Assistance?

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s. As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place... Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."


Helicopter Flying Lessons

A blonde received a gift certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.
When she arrived at the place, the instructor said, “Well, there’s only one helicopter here and it only has one seat. If I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?"

“Oh of course not! I can handle it," the blonde replied.

Well, he showed her the inner workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way, only asking that she radio in every 400 feet just to make sure everything was going smoothly.

At 400 feet, she radioed in saying, “Wow! This is so much fun!"

At 800 feet, she radioed in again saying, “This is pretty easy, I can do this all day!"

At 1,200 feet, she didn’t radio in. He waited and waited, and didn’t hear from the blonde. Seconds later, he heard a crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what happened — the blonde crashed!

Luckily she survived. “What happened?" the instructor exclaimed.

“Well, I was doing fine, but I started to get cold so I just turned off the big fan!"


Same Time, Same Place

Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower:
Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1."

Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!"

There was a brief moment of silence.

First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"


The Crash

While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was on lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed
safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door.

"Don't jump!" the pilot called out. "This thing is supposed to float!"

As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to fly too!"


The Speeding Motorist

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed toward the sky.

“You mean," asked the motorist, “that even heaven is against me?"

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