Your 5 Jokes for May 22, 2012: Hearing Jokes

Doctor’s Advice

A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At the man's next appointment, the doctor said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."


Ear Transplant
A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon’s office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out.

After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage.

“You know what you did?” she screams. “You gave me a man’s ears.”

“Well,” says the surgeon, “an ear is an ear. What is wrong? Can’t you hear?”

“I hear everything,” she says. “The problem is I do not understand anything I am told.”


Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.

"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"


Hearing Test

Jack, an older gentleman woodworker, feared his wife, Becky, was getting hard of hearing.

So one day Jack called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and said that meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.

Here's what you do, said the Doctor, "Start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He thinks to himself that he is about 40 feet away. "Let's see what happens," he mutters.

Then in a normal tone he asks, ''Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So Jack moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from Becky and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from Becky and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"

Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.
"Honey, what's for supper?"

She replies, "For God's sake, Jack! For the FIFTH TIME. CHICKEN!"


The Good Nurse

Milka came out of Examination room of his Doctor and praised, "Your nurse there is really great healer. She touched me and I can hear now."

Doctor Said, "Yes, We all heard the sound of slap on your face."