Your 5 Jokes for November 10, 2013: Hammer Jokes

Dropping The Hammer

A construction worker works on the floor of a tall building in a large city, when he dropped a hammer that hit the ground and almost hurt the passers-by. His foreman who was near him stared at him and, after a short moment, he barked at him: "Don't drop the hammer again! It's brand-new!"


Fixing The Car

When her car broke down, a woman called out a local mechanic to repair it. He lifted up the hood, looked in the engine, whacked something with a hammer and said: "Try it now."

To her amazement, the car started straight away.

"That's incredible," she said. "You've been here less than a minute and you've managed to fix it. I'm so grateful."

"All part of the job, madam. That'll be $250."

The smile vanished from the woman's face. "How much? How can you charge $250 when all you did was hit it with a hammer?"

"I can write you out an itemized bill if you like."

"Yes, please," she said firmly.

So he wrote out the bill and handed it to her. It read: "Hitting engine with hammer - $10. Knowing where to hit it - $240."


Not Like They Used To

Old timer is looking at tools at the local building supply store, he picks up a hammer.

"Don't make these like they used to," he tells the salesman, " I've had the same one for over fifty years, just had to replace the handle six times and the head twice."


The Hammer Act

Schwartz walks into a theatrical agent's office, and he's carrying a little black bag.

The agent says, "Well, let's see your act."

Schwartz reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer.

He says to the agent, "Well, what do you think?"

The agent says, "That's your act?"

Schwartz says, "Yep."

The agent asks, "What else have you got in the black bag?"

Schwartz replies, "Aspirin."


The Not Too Smart Apprentice

An apprentice blacksmith was told by his boss to make a hammer.

The lad had not the slightest idea how to begin, so he thought he'd be crafty and nip out and buy one. He duly showed the new hammer to his boss, who said, "That's excellent boy! Now make fifty more just like it!"