Your 5 Jokes for September 20, 2013: Habit Jokes

Bad Driving Habits

Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway with either indicator flashing, but going nowhere.

Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway even when the road is almost entirely empty.

Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you.

Not realising that there is any other setting for your lights than high beam.

Indicating to move into a lane that you're already half way in.

falling asleep at the wheel, just in time for the lights to turn green.

Sounding your horn one nanosecond after the lights change to green if the car in front hasn't sped off.

Sending sprays of wiper wash right over the top of your car and washing the one behind.

Overtaking then pulling in front and slowing down.

Sharing whatever is on your car stereo with anyone within a mile radius.


Fast

An old man was found guilty for high-speeding, and during his case the magistrate asked him to explain why he was driving so fast, the old men said "It is my habit, I do everything fast, I walk fast, I talk fast, etc." The magistrate said "I do understand your problem, but let us see how fast you will spend the rest of your life in prison"


Solutions

Norman had the habit of simply writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method of solution being, of course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve problems.

One time one of his students tried to get more helpful information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem. Norman looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes".


Staying Up Until 5

I overheard a friend telling his pal, “I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

“What is she doing?", the pal asks.

“Waiting for me to get home."


The Drug

Jill was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription.

"Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug."

"IT IS NOT!" yelled Jill. "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"