Your 5 Jokes for March 19, 2014: Grandpa Jokes

Fast Food

For years I have been telling my friend Pete that he ate to much fast food, but he always denied it.

One day he admitted I was right.

"What changed your mind?"

"My grandson. When my daughter told him I was coming to visit, he asked, 'Grandpa from Florida, or Grandpa from Pizza Hut?'"


How Old Are You Really?

90 year old David is surprised, but pleased nevertheless, when his grandsons Sam and Ollie come to visit him. During their visit, they can't help noticing how old David looks. Then Sam says to him, "Grandpa, how old are you really?"
David, being a bit of a joker, replies, "Well Sam, I'm very, very old. In fact, I'm so old that when I was your age, the Dead Sea wasn't even dead, it was only sick."


In Fifty Years

Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

'I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business' , declared the first man.

'Fifty years from now, 'said the second, 'I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man' .

Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, 'So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?'

'Me?' the third man replied. 'I want them all to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age!'


The Farm

A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With his last breath, Grandpa whispered, "Facebook..."


The Hobby Horse

A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter.

The toy arrived in 189 pieces.

The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour.

It took the old man two days to assemble the toy.

Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.