"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feeding?"
"No. I always did that."
"That must have been before you had women's liberation."
"No, it was before we had baby bottles."
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.
'We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.'
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper Good-bye!'
The Birthday Gift
A grandmother is at the toy store for hours trying to find the perfect gift for her grandson for his Birthday.
She wanders the store for hours, finally she walks to the cash register with her find, a Super Deluxe Megaphone, a megaphone with a voice-changer and flashing lights which allows kids to yell in 10 different voices.
She says to the cashier, “This is the perfect birthday gift, my grandson will love it and it will drive my Daughter-in-law crazy. She’ll hate it!"
While phoning a friend, my grandmother dialed the wrong number. She apologized and tried again, but she got the same number. Once more she hung up and redialed—same result. Now Grandma was frustrated. “Look," she told the person on the other end, “I’m going to call my friend again. This time, don’t answer her phone!