Your 5 Jokes for December 24, 2011: Glasses Jokes

Contacts

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.

Policeman: "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

Woman: "Well, I have contacts."

Policeman: "I don't care who you know! You're still getting a ticket!"


Reading Glasses

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be, " said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."


Smart In Glasses

"Wow," said Joan after she saw that her friend got glasses.

"You like my new glasses?", asked Peter.

"Yep. They make you look really smart.", replied Joan.

"I know. That's what my mom said. That's why I wear them in math class."


The Old Man’s Weight

In the hospital, a nurse is asking an old man what is his weight. The man is unsure about his weight so the nurse suggests that it is better if he check his weight now. He goes to the weighing scale and stands on it. Then he goes back to the nurse. The nurse let him fill the form by himself. After he fills it, he gives it back to the nurse. When the nurse reads his weight, she is surprised why the man wrote " 82 kg - with glasses" there. So the nurse asks the man,"Why must you write "with glasses" there? I only ask for your weight. Why don't you write down your weight without the glasses?" "Because I can't read the scales and write without my glasses." the man replied.


Without Glasses

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” I said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”

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