Your 5 Jokes for May 18, 2012: Flower Jokes

Break Down

A man in North Carolina has a flat tire, pulls off on the side of the road, and proceeds to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he gets back in the car to wait. A passerby studies the scene and is so curious he turns around and goes back. He asks the fellow what the problem is.

The man replies, 'I have a flat tire.' The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'

The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'


Favorite Flower

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?" Wally leaned over, touched Carolyn’s arm gently and whispered, “Pillsbury All-Purpose flour, isn’t it?"


Messages

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."


No Wife And No Girlfriend

A flower vendor was normally quite successful at unloading his last few bunches of flowers.

Appealing to a businessman who was walking by on his way home, the vendor said, "How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?"

"I don't have a wife," the businessman replied gruffly.

"Well then, how about some beautiful carnations for your girlfriend?" suggested the vendor, without missing a beat.

"I don't have a girlfriend," snapped the businessman.

"You lucky fellow!" the vendor said, as he broke into a big smile. "Buy both bunches to celebrate!"


Some Flowers Please

A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."

"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"

He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."

"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done!"