5 Feet Jokes

Three Feet

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.

"What's the matter?" asked her husband.

"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet."

"Three feet?" exclaimed her friend.

"Surely that's not possible?"

"Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot !"


Dragging the Right Foot

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.`

The other points his thumb behind him and says, `Dog crap, 20 feet back.`


Good Business

I once heard a true story of a family firm who cornered the feet market. One brother sold shoes, each shoe had a hidden fatal flaw. As a direct result the victim's feet needed treatment with the second brother, who was the only podiatrist in town.

Legend had it that the podiatrist was so incompetent that the only way the victim could get home was in a taxi. You're ahead of me now, the third brother had the only taxi firm for miles around.


Wiping Your Feet

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.


Standing On My Head

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood
doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It's because your feet aren't empty.