Your 5 Jokes for May 04, 2012: Fear Jokes

Heard An Owl

My brother and me were in this cottage in the country, all on our own, in the dead of night.

My brother said, 'What was that noise? I thought I heard an owl.'

I said, 'You probably did. I just stepped on the dog's foot.'


Making Sure

Someone travelling in a Moscow subway (during the Soviet era) asks an other traveler: "Excuse me, komrade, do you work for da police?"

The other guy answers: "Niet" (No).

"Are you a member of da communist party?"

"No, I’m not"

"Do you work for da KGB?"

"No"

"Does anyone in your family work for the Soviet government in any way, anywhere?"

"No, no, I'm just a simple citizen..."

"Well, then get the hell off my foot, moron!"


Mass Arrests

The year is 1937. There are mass arrests in the Soviet Union. People live in fear, every night expecting to be carted away...

One night there is a loud knock at the door of a certain house.

The tenants cower in silence, afraid to answer it. The knocking continues, getting louder and louder.

The tenants go on pretending to be asleep. Finally someone begins to break the door down.

At this, one tenant thinks to himself: ‘I’m an old man, I've got to die soon anyway. What am I afraid of? I'll open up to them.'

He gets out of bed and goes to the door. A minute later he rushes back shouting for joy.

'Comrades, comrades, get up! It's only a fire . . .'


Meeting The Devil

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.

When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked “Aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe!"

The man replied “You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years".


One Dark Night

A man was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery, he heard a voice say, "Mark! Mark!". Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, "Mark! Mark!". That did it. He took off full speed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with a hare lip.

privacy policy