After Twenty Years
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “OK Simpson," says the investigator, “You were near the scene – what happened?"
“Well, it’s like this. Old Charley was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
“He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long had he been with the company?"
“About 20 years, sir"
“20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done."
“It was, sir."
Did you know, I was reading about an enormous factory in the USA where there is only ONE MAN working - I know what you're thinking - we've got enormous factories where NOBODY'S working - but this one is different - it's got an end product: it is completely automated to make torch batteries, and the only employee is an old priest who stands at the end of the conveyor belt and as the batteries go past he says, "I wish you long life! I wish you long life!"
An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
Name It, We Have It
Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.
"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship. To the right we're canning juice concentrates. On this side we have the soda line, bottles and cans and such."
"Wow, you guys produce a lot of drinks," says Steve.
"You bet, name a drink and we probably have an assembly line for it."
"Do you have a punch line?"
Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: “Danger! Do Not Touch!"
Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.
Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!