Cover All The Exits
During a bank heist the Chief told the Sgt. to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away. Later the Sgt. reports to the chief. “Sorry sir but they got away."
The chief very disappointed says, “I told you to cover all Exits."
“I did" replied the Sgt. but they got away through the Entrance"
One day, three retarted guys in jail decided to escape.
So, their leader, Bill, made up a plan. The last part of the plan was: "once we get to the front gate, we kill the guard and run!"
And later on the same night, they began to escape. After 2 hours they get to the front gate but
Bill says "O cr*p! We failed!!!"
His friend asks "Why?"
Bill replies "Look idiot, there is no guard to kill... so we failed, let’s go back and think of a new plan".
Jack and Susan are on a blind date at a nice restaurant.
The date is going terrible and Jack just wants to leave, but he can’t because they are waiting for the main course to arrive.
Fortunately, Jack, an experienced dater has foreseen this happening and has arraigned with a friend to call him midway through the date to see how things are going.
His friend finally calls his cell phone, Jack answers, listens for a minute and says, “Oh No!". He hangs up and tells Susan, “I have to go my grandmother just died."
Susan, also an experience dater says, “Thank goodness, my grandmother was about to die!"
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."
The British Pilot
A British pilot during W.W.II was shot down over Germany. In the hospital, he was told that his left leg had to be amputated. He asked for it to be parachuted down over England.
This was done. A week later, his right leg had to go, and he asked for the same thing to be done. A week later his left arm had the same fate.
A short time later, when his right arm was about to be taken off, he asked for the arm to be dropped over England like the other limbs.
He met with a refusal by the German doctor. The answer he received was: “No; we think that you are trying to escape".