"Could I put my screwdriver set, pliers set and drill in your garage?" he inquired.
"Sure," his neighbor replied, " But why?"
"Just to have all my tools in one place." he retorted.
"Well," he replied "it is a damn bother when those damn idiots at the lumberyard send the wrong damn stock and every damn thing has to be returned. On top of that, the damn plumber put the damn pipes for the damn sink on the wrong wall."
"That is disgusting," his father scolded, "You must be punished, go and get me a switch from the backyard."
Little Johnny replied, " No way that's the damn electricians job."
A teacher wanted his students to improve their spelling skills. So, he decided to have each of them come up to the front of the class and tell the class about their fathers’ profession or trade and to spell such profession or trade.
The teacher called up Johnny as the first student, and Johnny said, "My father is a baker, and you spell it B-A-K-E-R. If my father was here today, he would give everyone a cookie."
"Very well," the teacher said, and called Jim to the front. Jim said, "My father is a banker and you spell it: B-A-N-K-E-R. If he was here today, he would give everyone a quarter.
"Great," said the teacher and called Tim to the front. Tim said: "My father is an electrician, and you spell it: E –E- L -K… E- L- E-K…."
Tim was having a hard time spelling, so the teacher said, "Tim, why don’t you sit and think about the spelling for a few minutes. In the meantime, we’ll have Peter come up and tell us about his father."
Peter said, "My father is a bookie: B-O–O-K-I-E. And if my father was here today he would bet, 9 out of 10 that Tim would not spell ELECTRICIAN."
The Electric Chair
The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in. "No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under this particular State's law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?" "No, just get on with it." The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner. "Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."
Two Or Four?
An electrician gets into a hardware shop and asks the shop assistant:
"Do you have a four volt, two watt lamp?"