Washing Your Ears
The mother catechised her young son just before the hour for the arrival
of the music teacher.
"Have you washed your hands very carefully?"
"And have you washed your face thoroughly?"
"And were you particular to wash behind your ears?"
"On her side I did, mother."
The teacher asked if it was alive or dead.
The little boy said that it was dead.
The teacher asked how he knew.
The boy said , "I pissed in its ear."
The teacher said, "You what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead".
Gum For Flying
I was working in Manhattan, flying a sightseeing small aircraft. When the first group of tourists arrived I asked them, “Have you ever flown on a small airplane before?" “No!" They replied. So I took out a pack of gum and told them all to take a piece to keep their ears from popping. After we landed, I asked everyone if they enjoyed, and one Blonde lady comes over and asks, “That gum did wonders, but how do I get it out of my ears?"
Little Johnny’s next door neighbors had recently had a baby. Due to complications, the baby was born without ears. Little Johnny’s parents decided to go and see the new baby one day. Johnny’s father explained to him about the baby and told Johnny not to make the slightest hint about the baby’s ears. Johnny agreed and said that he would be on his best behavior and say nothing about the baby’s ears.
“He’s a beautiful baby" Johnny said. “He has such pretty eyes. Did the doctor say he could see fine?"
“Yes, he has 20/20 vision" the mother replied.
“Well that’s a damn good thing" Johnny said, “because he sure as hell can’t wear glasses!"
The Job Interview
Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, "What's the first thing you see when you look at me?" The guy says, "That's not too hard, you've got no ears." The interviewer says, "That's it, get out, you'll never be seen around here again." The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question. The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no ears." The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll never get a job with his company. As he is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say he hasn't got any ears. He's so touchy with the ear thing." "Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office. Once inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you look at me." The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts." The interviewer was flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know that, son?" "What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses, you've got no ears!"