Your 5 Jokes for April 18, 2012: Delivery Jokes

How Is It Like?

After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and LeLeche classes with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by her beside throughout the labor and delivery. Wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife’s hand afterward and said, emotionally, “Tell me how it was, darling, how it actually felt to give birth.”

“OK, Honey,” his wife replied. “Smile as big as you can.”

Beaming down at his wife and child, the man followed her instructions. “That’s not hard.”

She continued, “Now stick a finger in each corner of your mouth.”

He obeyed, smiling broadly. “Now stretch your lips as far as they’ll go,” she went on.

“Still not too tough,” he remarked.

“Right,” she snapped. “Now pull them over your head.”


In India …

Laloo rang labor room of hospital to to know about his pregnant wife Rabri. By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.

Laloo: How's it going?

Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.


The Expectant Mother

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."

He wrote the hospital and reminded them that the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."


The Vet And The Delivery

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone.

The vet asked, "Is anything happening?"

The doctor replied, "Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily."

The vet said, "okay" and the doctor went on the fishing trip. When he returned, he called the vet. "How did things go while I was gone?"

"Pretty good."

"Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?"

"Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine."

"Did you have any trouble?"

"Well, there was just one little problem."

"What was that?"

"I had a terrible time getting her to eat the after-birth!"


World Population Growth

A couple are reading the paper, the wife says: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds!

Her husband not to appear uninterested said; I think they ought to find that woman and stop her.


Related collections:

Doctor jokes
Hospital jokes
Pregnancy jokes