Your 5 Jokes for December 17, 2013: Date Jokes

Confusing

Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really down in the dumps.

"What's the matter?" Bill asked.

"I don't get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many dam people you have to please. Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me.

Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but she didn't like me.

And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"


Go Dutch

I was on a dinner date and after finishing our desserts the waiter walked past so I asked for the bill.

She said, " Go Dutch."

I said, " Ok... Mag ik dan de rekening alstublieft?"


Job

I went on a blind date this evening I asked, "So, what do you do for a living?"

She said, "I make unattractive women look glamorous."

"Oh." I replied, "What do you do, stand next to them?"


The Sink

A girl brings her boyfriend home after a night on the town. Her parents are in so she tells him to be quiet. Unfortunately the boyfriend is desperate to use the loo, but rather than send him upstairs and risk him waking the parents, she tells him to use the kitchen sink. A few minutes later he sticks his head round the corner. ‘Have you finished?’ she whispers. ‘Yes,’ he replies. ‘Have you got any paper?’


To Impress

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After a few minutes of talking, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner."