Your 5 Jokes for May 07, 2013: Cursing Jokes

Hitting The Horn Accidentally

David is driving his ten year old granddaughter Emma to school one morning when he accidentally hits his car’s horn.

Emma looks at him and asks, "Why did you toot your horn, grandpa David?"

"I didn’t mean to do it, Emma," David says. "I hit the horn by mistake."

"I knew it must have been a mistake, grandpa," says Emma, "because you didn't say ‘idiot’ afterwards."


The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means."

"I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start."

Negative Reinforcement

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father's getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, "Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa.

If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.


Former Vice President Dan Quayle says that if you take out the profanity, the TV show "The Osbounes" is about good family values.

You take out the profanity, and "The Osbournes" is about 30 seconds long.

The Deliverymen

Two deliverymen were taking a large refrigerator to a local priest's home. With difficulty they had managed to get the fridge onto the porch, but struggled for over 20 minutes to make the 90-degree turn through the narrow door.

The priest, seeing their difficulty, asked what they usually did when confronted with such a situation.

Rubbing some badly skinned knuckles, one deliveryman replied, "Well, Father, at this point we usually start cursing."

"Well, gentlemen," the priest replied, "allow me time to move out of earshot so you can continue your work."