A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?"
The second blonde replies,"They didn't last year...."
Bearded Man On An Island
From a passenger cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. The cruise ship captain replied, "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The steward was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?"
She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."
The Microwave Oven
An elderly widowed woman decides to take a cruise with the money from her husband’s insurance payment. While in her cabin, she decides to heat up a cup of tea in the microwave. After placing the cup in and pressing all the buttons, NOTHING!
She calls down to the purser’s office and explains that she is having a problem with her microwave. The Purser in turn states "Madam, this ship does not have in cabin microwaves!"
The woman furiously yells "young man, I have been on a cruise before and I can tell you that this microwave does NOT work!!!" The Purser again tries to explain to the distraught woman that the ship neither now or has EVER had in cabin microwaves and offers to send a hot cup of tea to her cabin via room service. The woman, feeling insulted yells "Sonny, look here, I may be old but I know what a microwave is". The purser feeling this is a losing battle gives in and says he will send someone from the maintenance staff to her cabin.
A few minutes later, a maintenance worker arrives and knocks on the cabin door. The elderly woman opens the door, red in the face from anger and goes on to explain her complete dissatisfaction with the way she is being treated on this cruise. She takes the worker over to where she was trying to heat her tea and blasts yet again of the malfunction of the microwave. The worker looks at the woman, shakes his head and says: "Madam, that's NOT a microwave oven, that's your cabin SAFE!!!!!"
The cruise director answered, "Sea water."
"Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."