Your 5 Jokes of the Day, September 09, 2011: Construction Jokes
A foreman making the rounds of a building site suddenly noticed one of his laziest workers was absent again. "Hey, where's Sparkman ?", he shouted.
"You must have missed his funeral", said a coworker. "He's been dead and buried more than a month".
A driver, a roofer, and their foreman were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch, and the driver said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The roofer opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The foreman opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day the driver opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage, and jumps to his death. The roofer opens his lunch, sees a burrito, and he jumps too. The foreman opens his lunch, sees the bologna, and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral the driver's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"
The roofer's wife also weeps and says, "I should have given him a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turns and stares at the foreman's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she says. "He makes his own lunch."
Phone For Texas Aggie
Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news." Sure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning." Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?" "No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out." About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright." Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie." That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"
The Carpenter and The Crane Operator
At a building site, a load of suspended lumber broke from a hoist and fell to the ground, burying a carpenter. Before his shocked coworkers could get to him, he rose from the rubble, dusted his overalls, and hollered at the crane operator, "You idiot! You made me bite my lip!".
The Measuring Technique
There were three construction workers; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repositioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The workers replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long".