Your 5 Jokes for August 04, 2013: Coach Jokes

Diagnosis

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A football coach?"


Experience

'So you want to join us here at Spirit Soccer Club as a rep coach, do you? What sort of salary were you expecting?'

'$1000 a week.'

'And what experience have you-had?'

'I've never coached before.'

'You've no coaching experience and you want $1000 a week!'

'Well, it's much harder when you don't know anything about it.'


Not Really True

Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!

Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!

Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!

Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!


Talking To A Player

Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team." It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents." Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, "I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days."


With A Tennis Coach

A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor's orders, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine, " the manager says. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, 'To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'" "Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks. "Then my body says, 'Who? Me? You must be kidding!'"