"Among the tenements that lay within my jurisdiction when I first took up mission work on the East Side." says a New York young woman, "was one to clean out which would have called for the best efforts of the renovator of the Augean stables. And the families in this tenement were almost as hopeless as the tenement itself.
"On one occasion I felt distinctly encouraged, however, since I observed that the face of one youngster was actually clean.
"'William,' said I, 'your face is fairly clean, but how did you get such dirty hands?"
"'Washin' me face,' said William."
My son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush, held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore." Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog which was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"
Washing The Cat
I was working the evening shift in Target, when a little boy walked up to the counter with a box of detergent. I asked him, “What do you need that for?" He replied my cat got all dirty so I have to clean her!" “Don’t do that!!!" I replied. “You will kill her!" The next week he came back in so I asked him whatever happened with his cat? He tells me that it died, so I tell him you should have listened to me! He replied, “No it wasn’t the detergent that killed her it was the rinse cycle!!!"
Washing The Sweatshirt
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Texas A & M."