A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist
The chemist replies, "That's it, I can never remember that word!"
This scientist was telling a colleague, "I have worked for many years to develop an acid that would eat anything and I finally did it." So I invested everything I had and could borrow into it.
“You must have made a fortune," commented his friend. “No! I lost all my investments. I couldn't find anything to ship it in." replied the scientist.
The Chemical Formula For Water
One day, the chemistry teacher asked his students, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Silly Suzie immediately raised her hand. "Yes, Suzie, what's the answer?", the teacher asked. Suzie answered proudly, "The chemical formula for water is 'HIJKLMNO'!" Her teacher looked perplexed. He asked, "What are you talking about?" Suzie replied, "Yesterday you said the formula for water is H to O!"
The New Solvent
A mysterious building had been erected on the outskirts of a small town. It was shrouded in mystery. All that was known about it was that it was a chemical laboratory. An old farmer, driving past the place after work had been started, and seeing a man in the doorway, called to him:
"What be ye doin' in this place?"
"We are searching for a universal solvent--something that will dissolve all things," said the chemist.
"What good will thet be?"
"Imagine, sir! It will dissolve all things. If we want a solution of iron, glass, gold--anything, all that we have to do is to drop it in this solution."
"Fine," said the farmer, "fine! What be ye goin' to keep it in?"
The Periodic Table Of The Elements
A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so few of them back then.