Your 5 Jokes for June 02, 2012: Check-Up Jokes

A Good Eyesight

70-year-old George went for his annual physical check-up. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"


Clean Bill of Health

The nurse burst into the doctor’s office. “Doctor! She yelled, “you just gave a clean bill of health to Mr. Smith and … and he dropped dead right outside the door!”

The doctor jumped into action. “Quick,” he said, “We’ve got to turn him around so it looks like he was just coming in!”


Litany of Complaints

A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints.

The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen and limit his exposure to in-laws. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."

She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"

"You are going to be dying soon, my dear."


Quasimodo

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual check-up. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you think that?" asks Quasimodo.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."


Vasectomy

One day, after a man had his annual physical checkup, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."