Your 5 Jokes for November 04, 2013: Chaplain Jokes

At The Mess

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them. After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.


Do Something!

A military aircraft had just reached its assigned 38,000 feet when suddenly and dramatically it dropped steeply to about half that altitude. A frightened soldier among the passengers turned to his seat mate, a chaplain. "Do something, padre!" he pleaded. "Relax, my boy," said the chaplain. "I'm sure we'll be all right." The soldier was not reassured. "Please, padre," he persisted. "Do something religious!" The chaplain smiled, then asked: "Would you like me to take up an offering?"


Last Request

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests?" asked the chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"


Prayers

A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain looking at the senate and the congress.

The lady asked, "What is the chaplain doing? Is he praying for the Senate or the House?"

The guide answered, "Oh no, we taxpayers pay him to do this everyday.

He looks at both the houses of the Congress, then prays for us and the country!"


Sins

Years ago the chaplain of the Notre Dame football team was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportmans-like manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."

“Ahhh that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

“That’s not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."

“Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

“There’s more, Father. As I got out of the pileup, I kicked two of the other team’s players in a sensitive area."

“Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. “Who in the world were we playin’ when you did these awful things?"

“Southern Methodist."

“Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, “boys will be boys."