A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"
The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night.""Great!" says the man, "but what if I can't reach them?" "Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers."Do you want to try?""No, but thanks anyway." "Why not?", asks the barman."The steaks are too high."
Plaster From The Ceiling
The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, "I give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. "I give a thousand dollars!"The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"
Two flies were strolling along the ceiling of an apartment.
"You know," remarked the first little fly, "human beings are so silly!"
"People are silly?" replied the second fly. "How do you figure that?"
The first fly shrugged his wings. "Just take a look," he said, "They spend good money building a nice high ceiling, and then they walk on the floor."
The White Dove
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"