5 Canada Jokes

How Canada Got Its Name

The Spanish Conquistadores were making a map of their colonies (they owned all of America, South and North). They started drawing in the lines from down south - territory they knew well - and worked their way up.

Everything was going fine until they got to the New York area. "Hey, what's up there?" the map maker asked the governor, pointing to the vast emptiness above the Great Lakes.

The governor answered: "Here? (in Spanish: "Aca?"). Nothing (in Spanish: "Nada").

Hence the great blank emptiness became known as ACA-NADA, or in English, "There ain't nothin' here."

Which, as anyone who has lived in Canada will testify, is pretty darned close to the truth. Eh?


Bono is at a U2 concert in Halifax, Nova Scotia, when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.

He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice..."Just for a moment, think outside yourself...Outside this arena. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A loud Newfie voice from near the front pierces the moment... "Well, Lard, ya stupid fool, stop yer dam' clappin', den!"

Border Problem

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

Hotel Guest

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.

'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer.


A Scotsman was visiting a museum of natural history in Canada when he came upon a huge stuffed bull moose with enormous antlers.

Surprised, he exclaimed in his Scottish burr, "Woots that!?"

When told by the curator that is was a moose, he replied, "If that's a moose, I'd hate to see your caats!"