Your 5 Jokes for February 09, 2012: Café Jokes

An IQ Over 140

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.


Closed
A café owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. 'Could you come, please, and open me your café?', the caller told him.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen, the owner shouted, I’ve had a hard day of work, I’m dead tired. I’m trying to have a sleep and the café is CLOSED! WOULD YOU, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE?".

“I don’t want to get in," the caller said. “I want to get out."


Do You Serve Lawyers?

A man walked into a café with his alligator and asked the café owner, "Do you serve lawyers here?".

"Sure do," replied the café owner.

"Good," said the man. "Give me a coffee, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."


The Perfect Mate

A young woman is sitting in a café telling her friends her idea of the perfect mate. ‘The man I marry must be a shining light among company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!’ The elderly waitress overhears her and says, ‘If that’s all you want, get a TV!’


Upper Management

An man walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want um coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure, coming right up".

He gets the man a tall mug of coffee, and the man drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the man returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want um coffee".

The waiter says, "Whoa, man, we're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway"?

The man smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot sh*t, leave a mess for others to clean up, and disappear for rest of day.


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