Your 5 Jokes for January 07, 2013: Borrowing Jokes

Brother-In-Law

Howard was getting tired of George his brother-in-law always borrowing from him, it started with small things and progressed to him using his shop for a month to build a dresser.

"Why don't you just tell him you will be needing to use what he wants to borrow," his wife advised him.

The next day George was at the door, "Will you be using your shop next week?" he inquired.

"Actually I will, I have a big project I have to get done, probably take me a couple weeks working day and night." Howard lied.

"Glad to hear that," George replied, " Because I would like to borrow your motorhome for a couple weeks."


Fixing The Car

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, “I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, “Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, “Oh, good. YOU send him the money!"


How To Become A Millionaire

Can I borrow that book of yours, ‘How To Become A Millionaire’?

Sure. Here you are.

Thanks - but half the pages are missing.

What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?


On His Death Bed

Maurice is in hospital and knows he is dying. As he lays in bed in his private room, struggling to breathe, his family and children around him, he starts to talk very quietly.

"Freda," he whispers.

"Yes dear, what is it?" Freda says.

"I want you should know something before I die. Harry the butcher owes me £100, Levine the pharmacist owes me £400, and our next door neighbour Mark owes me £600 and the return of my lawnmower. Don’t let them off, will you?"

"Of course I won’t, darling," Freda replies.

Freda turns to her children and says, "Oy, what a wonderful man your father is. Let this be a lesson to you all - even though he’s dying, he still knows who owes him money. What a mensch he is."

Then Maurice finds some strength to say a bit more. "Freda, I want you also to know that

I still owe Bernard, my cousin, £1,700 of the £5,000 he lent me 3 years ago."

"Oy veh," cries Freda, "it’s nearly the end for my Maurice – he’s getting delirious."


Tools

Tom was continually plagued by his next-door neighbour asking to borrow things.

One morning he saw the neighbour approaching his front door and so he was ready for him.

"Can I borrow your power-saw this morning?" asked the neighbour.

"Afraid not," replied Tom gleefully. I'll be using it all day."

"In that case, you won't be using your golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?"