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Your 5 Jokes for July 12, 2012: Boat Jokes

Boat Racing

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.

Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant’s finding:

The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team’s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the indian corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.


Give Me Your Position

- "Mayday,Mayday,Mayday this is yacht Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, over"

- "Mayday this is Solent Coastguard. Can you give me your position sir, over"

- "Solent Coastguard this is yacht Corporate Junket. I'm a director in a small engineering company, over"


I Can’t

An inexperienced sailor, after running aground on a sand bar, had to pay a passing fisherman fifty pounds to pull him off with his boat.

After his yacht was off the sand bar, he said to the fisherman, "At those prices, I should think you could make a real living pulling people off night and day."

"Can't," replied the fisherman. "At night I dredge and haul sand back onto the bar."


I’m Sinking!

A British yacht with a British crew was on passage from Harwich to Bremerhaven. All was going well until the yacht was about 20 miles off the German coast.

The stern gland suddenly fell out and water rushed in. The bilge pump and the Frightened Crew Bloke With A Bucket (better than any bilge pump, any day) were unable to keep on top of the water ingress.

The skipper grabbed the hand-held VHF radio and shouted, "Mayday! Mayday! I'm sinking! I'm sinking!"

There was a pause and then the radio crackled into life.

The German Coastguard asked cautiously, "Vot are you sinking about, Sir?"


The Blonde’s Boat

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever, no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.