5 Blind Jokes

Blind Pilot

On a San Francisco to LA shuttle flight, there was a 45 minute delay and all on-board passengers were “ticked”. Without warning, the plane made a stop in Sacramento. A flight attendant informed the passengers of the delay, and invited folks to exit the aircraft if they wished, advising that they should return in 30 minutes.

All exited, except for one man who was blind and traveling with his guide dog, who was resting patiently under his master’s seat.

The flight’s captain, who knew the blind man, approached him and said, “We’re gonna be here for at least 30 minutes, wouldn’t you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?” The man said, “No,” but noted that perhaps his dog would want to go for a quick walk. The captain took the dog and led him toward the craft’s jetway.

As the pilot (still wearing his Ray Ban sunglasses) exited the jetway with the guide dog, passengers of the flight actually came to a complete standstill and stared in disbelief.

The majority scattered, heading toward the airline ticket counters. Virtually all of them changed planes, and a few even changed airlines, even after being assured by airline employees that the dog did NOT belong to the pilot.


Skydiving

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."


Swinging the Dog Around

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, `Sir, what are you doing!?!`

The man turned toward the teller and said, `Oh, nothing - just looking around.`


The Blonde's House

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"


The Buzzer

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"