5 Beauty Jokes

Making Oneself Beautiful

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


Don’t Whisper

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.

'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.'

'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch ?'


Miss America

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five ft., one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?" The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well." "Why is that?" Asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old."


Nothing Wrong

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning clutching my Wal-Mart coupons, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”


The Monster And The Doctor

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I've no idea what it is."

The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom.

"I'm stumped," said the doctor, "but you can try taking these pills."

When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head.

"Ah!" said the doctor, "I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot."